I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
