I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
