So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
