Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
