Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
