i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
