she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
