What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
