I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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