i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
