we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
