I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
