I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
