my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
