Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
