my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
