So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
