I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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