Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
