I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
