Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
