yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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