Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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