i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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