i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wear drunk well.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
