the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
