dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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