if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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