I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
