Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
