she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
