ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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