I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
