I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
