Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we're making bets on your personal life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
