Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
