Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
