The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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