Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
