ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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