Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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