I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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