roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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