I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
