Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
