Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
