listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
