...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
