If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
