i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
